As a mother of young children it often feels as though we must be on guard at all hours of the day and night. And in a way that is the case. Waking or sleeping, those children are our responsibility. However, we need rest, sleep, food, and entertainment. Even soldiers get down time. Speaking of soldiers, I have learned to equate the first 3-4 years of mothering a child to being on the front lines in a war. You are always alert to the smallest sound, a choke, a gurgle, a cry, or no sound at all… All things to listen for. Protecting those tiny beings from all harm, even their own finger nails. As the mother of a child who was in the hospital the first 6 weeks of her life, I totally understand this. I know how fortunate I am to have a healthy, energetic child who can fully participate in a game of tag at the park. Her little sister came out headstrong and opinionated. If it wasn’t happening fast enough this child learned at a young age how to get the ball rolling, darn the consequences. She wanted brownies and mama told her maybe later? At almost three years old she figured out how to find all the ingredients and start cracking eggs and pouring brownie mix into the bowl. Not really any turning back at this stage. Brownies were made. And the mixing bowls and the brownie and cake mixes were kept up higher.

What does any of this have to do with learning to rest? Everything. You see, how we react or respond to these situations often depends on how well we have taken care of ourselves. If we have had an OK night sleep, a real breakfast, taken our vitamins, aren’t dehydrated, and have recently read a few pages or watched an episode of something we chose, our response is often completely different from that of an exhausted mama who revenge scrolled all night, had coffee and the other half of the toddler’s waffle for breakfast, hasn’t taken her vitamins in over a week, hasn’t had straight water in a couple days, and can’t remember reading or watching something of her choosing since…wait, what month is this? Are you understanding the picture I am painting here? How you take care of you matters. Rest is part of taking care of you.

I took a nap Saturday afternoon. It had been a busy day full of adventure and I was tired. At one point my younger daughter joined me. Who am I kidding, she bounced in and out of my room multiple times. At one point she brought in clothes and wanted help changing into a different dress, then decided she wanted to just wear a unikitty leotard with attached tutu. By that time I had already had a decent nap and was just lounging. So, sure, dress change with a last minute pivot to a leotard, which she wore until bedtime, dancing her way through the rest of the afternoon and evening any time she remembered what she was wearing. She completely wore herself out and was asleep before we finished reading the bedtime stories. I finally got to finish reading Christopher Robin Leads an Expotition to them.

We have a hammock in our yard. Nothing fancy, just a cotton hammock on a steel frame. The kids love it. They have invented so many games with that thing. I like it because I can relax for a few minutes and just stare at the sky while I listen to them play. I have heard intricate lead-ins to how a kids only town had to start making their own mud bricks, and listened as my girls made stew out of various leaves, petals, and of course mud, and heard all the restaurant drama from waitresses who didn’t show up to the head chef having a meltdown. They were just fine without me directing their play. They did not need me to hover. At 8 and 4 they can play on their own, trouble shoot on their own, and clean up on their own (in the case of muddy fingers it was taken care of by a forgotten clear plastic container filled with melted snow and rain water from the previous night).

Whenever I truly want to disappear for a weekend (totally not in the budget) I tell my husband that I am going to take a book vacation. I download a good book to my Kindle and that is my main activity until that story has been fully absorbed and enjoyed. I do my mothering, and basics around the house and for myself and that is it. No projects. No Commitments. Just me, my book, and the essentials. I think I do this about quarterly.

Another quarterly thing that happens is fairly new. Some friends and I go to the movies together. All the kids and all the dads (who can make it) gather at one house and enjoy pizza, a couple movies on the television, time playing in the back yard, and the kids have a blast with friends. We moms have an entire afternoon off for a movie with all the snacks, and a meal on the way home. To be honest, the kids can’t wait for the next time, and neither can us moms, the dads all get along well and don’t get to visit very often so it’s a win for them, too. This may not be physical rest but it is mental rest. We know the kids are well cared for, their dads are there. If an emergency arises, there are multiple experienced fathers right there, and grandmas, aunts and uncles are within half an hour drive. We get real downtime with other moms who share our sense of humor, we can gab about whatever pops into our minds without using code words for certain subject matters, and enjoy a movie without keeping half our minds on whether the kids are being careful with their drinks or not. Bliss.

As you can see, there are multiple options for getting different kinds and amounts of rest.

A few more ideas for rest would include:

Brewing yourself a mug of tea or coffee, picking out a snack, and promising yourself that you will try not to do anything else but read your book or watch a particular YouTube video before your drink is gone. I have started telling my kids that mama is on break until her tea is gone because she wants to drink it while it is still warm. This is not very workable while a two year old is awake, but if they are napping or you have older kids this is a great way to intentionally relax for a few minutes a day.

Take a bath or shower after the kids are down for the night. Physical self-care is sometimes shuffled to the side in preference for mental and emotional progress. There is something to be said, though, about knowing that you are not going to be interrupted while fully covered in bubbles that smell like fruit and flowers.

On nights when you are wrung out and just done, it is perfectly acceptable to go to bed right after the kids are asleep. Sometimes an extra hour or two of sleep is a fantastic way to spoil yourself or recharge your batteries after an emotional hit or just because PMS is being a monster this month.

Taking an hour or two to play your favorite video game. I have to admit that I have logged in and then gotten distracted several times this past month, after not having even logged in for months. Time spent doing a favorite activity can be very refreshing. We’re not talking about ignoring all of life while you play for a week straight. Nope. Put that guilty image in the trash where it belongs. We’re taking about playing a character, solving problems and puzzles in a whole different world, and doing something that you enjoy for a while. This can be after the kids are in bed, while they’re at grandma’s, while they’re at day camp, or even while they’re playing right beside you. Playing video or online games as a family can be a lot of fun, and definitely can count as down time.

Hiding in the laundry room or bathroom while you do focused breathing and visualizing your happy place is a good way to relax for a few minutes. This can keep you in a good frame of mind throughout the day, or keep you sane while the house is unraveling due to the family having an illness, or can be a great way to recenter yourself after almost (or actually) losing it at your kids. Deep belly breaths, at least 10, will help tell your body that you are OK and that it can calm down. This may not sound like rest, but telling your fight or flight response to rest can make the rest of your day a lot better. Having a breathing routine for when things start to get out of hand, or as a way to start your day or transition into another portion of your day can be a good way to rest your mind and body for 2 minutes, letting you approach the next activity with a good attitude.

Rest can look like a lot of different things to different people. I see it as any moment where I am not at high alert and can think my own thoughts, or even as physical rest such as sleep or relaxing on the couch with a book. You may have a different perspective. And I think as motherhood evolves as our children get older and more independent we can (hopefully) get a little more rest in our lives each year.

This year for me, rest looks like mugs of hot tea while playing a game on my Kindle, lying in the hammock once or twice a week, taking book vacations every once in a while, and a day out with my friends quarterly. Throw in the occasional nap and lie in, and life looks good.

I hope you find more rest in the coming days.

If you already make time for rest, what are some of your favorite ways to rest. Let’s start a discussion in the comments. The more ideas the better.