There is a big difference between a queasy tummy and dislike of certain smells for the first six to twelve weeks, and having full on nausea and vomiting which makes a mother unable to eat or drink normally for months or the entirety the pregnancy.

I am the oldest of four daughters. The second and fourth of us had children first. Their pregnancies were only marred by sensitivity to smells and a bit of a nausea in the morning. The youngest actually did get sick when her husband was grilling onions.

Then myself and the third told each other we were pregnant at the same time. Our babies were due just a few days apart. And that wasn’t the only thing we had in common. We both had Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Only while she was diagnosed and mostly managed by medication, I was not diagnosed or treated for it.

I was going to see the same birthing center midwives that another sister had had a wonderful experience with. They were skilled, competent, and sweet. However, the birthing center had an entirely new medical staff when it was my turn. I was apparently not their ideal client. My illness went completely untreated and symptoms thankfully lifted around the five and a half month mark. Thankfully I was able to drink a lot of fluids with my first pregnancy.

With my second, however, liquid was almost impossible due to the level of nausea. Food was also pretty much out of the question. And I was advised to try the BRAT diet to “reboot” my eating habits, because that had worked with some clients with eating disorders a midwife had worked with in a previous career. Way to make me feel like a fraud. By the end of my first trimester I was in the emergency room for a third time for fluids and decided to find an ObGyn. I scheduled an appointment for a couple days from then, and called my midwives. They initiated the call with informing me that my pregnancy was perhaps outside their field of expertise and that an ObGyn would be a better fit for my needs. No, Really?!?

My ObGyn was a lot of fun. He was the father of four and had prescribed the same antinausea medication to his wife that he now prescribed to me. My entire pregnancy changed. I could eat. I could drink. I could parent my preschooler while my husband was at work. I stopped losing weight.

I am not going to sugar coat everything and say that my Doctor was amazing in all ways. I was told that it was basically impossible that the spots along my hairline were indications of B vitamin deficiency, because only old people got that. Yeah…I found an under the tongue B vitamin complex and the spots were gone by my next appointment. Never mentioned it to him. I am in no way saying to hide supplementation from your doctor. That’s just how I roll. As an oldest sister, tell me I’m wrong and I will do all the research and prove myself right. I don’t usually waste time telling people they were wrong. I just move on.

Looking back, I see all the ways that I could and should have advocated for myself better. My husband was swamped with keeping me and our preschooler alive while working. I should have asked my parents to advocate for me. In fact, my parents came with me to my second E.R. visit to watch my oldest. My father came unglued over the fact that they were trying to get me to take a horse pill of potassium instead of giving it to me (the vomiting woman) intravenously. Yes, I choked on it and threw up again. Surprise, surprise. And at least we discovered my allergy to phenergan (it gives me twitchy legs) at that point so they didn’t prescribe it to me when I had a broken leg 2 years later. That would have been disastrous.

The descriptions of Hyperemesis Gravidarum seem to change depending on where you look. It basically boils down to: pure misery in the form of nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and possibly ketosis which can, if left untreated, lead to hospitalization. The dehydration and malnourishment can lead to not being able to take care of yourself. It makes the whole world fuzzy, and muffles your perceptions.

In my opinion it is a travesty that any woman should be forced to go through a pregnancy like that. I was fortunate that I birthed two full-term babies and have few lasting effects from either pregnancy. Other women are not so fortunate. Mothers can suffer from PTSD, organ damage, miscarriages, and more.

This is not intended to scare anyone. It is meant to inform. If you, or someone you love, is experiencing this type of pregnancy please do what you can to get the necessary treatment. There are several antinausea medications that are safe for pregnancy. Once the stomach is taken care of then fluid and nutrition are possible for bringing mom back to health for the rest of her pregnancy; continuing through post birth recovery.

Many women, when properly treated, go on to have several more pregnancies and happy, healthy babies. Hyperemesis Gravidarum by itself should not be a reason a couple stops having children before feeling that their family is complete. With proper medical attention, HG can be managed, and mothers can complete their pregnancy in relative comfort. The medical gaslighting needs to stop. When a mother is losing weight past her first appointment (especially if she has lost more than 10 pounds), complains of not being able to eat or drink properly due to nausea, is actively chewing on candied ginger through the appointment, and especially if she actually vomits during the appointment, it’s time to consider that she is not experiencing a “normal” pregnancy. I say normal with quotation marks because there is such a wide range of symptoms and extremes of symptoms that it is difficult to really call any pregnancy normal. Every pregnancy, mother, and baby are different.

Speak up for yourself, your spouse, your sister, your daughter. I plan on it. My oldest has asked me what would happen if it turns out that she has HG. I have told her that her mother will stand on her doctor’s desk if that is what it takes for her to be treated for her nausea and any other medical issues. My mother practically did it during my father’s cancer treatments when the doctors were dragging their feet. I can do it for my daughters and grandbabies.

I am simply one mother who has experienced HG. There are thousands upon
thousands of women around the world who have experienced this medical issue.
There are currently thousands trying to do everyday life while attempting to
handle this often debilitating medical issue. If you wish to know more, or need
to have a way to discuss this with your doctor from a more informed
perspective, here are some links to sites with more information:

https://www.hyperemesis.org/about-hyperemesis-gravidarum

https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/pregnancy-complications/hyperemesis-gravidarum/

https://theleakyboob.com/?s=hyperemesis

These are just a few resources. Speak with your provider. Ask reliable people in your life for a hand where needed. This is not something to be ashamed of. All the world sympathized when Katherine Windsor, Princess of Wales was hospitalized while pregnant with Prince George. You are worthy of the necessary care, too.