Basically, situational depression is…well, depression brought on by a situation. These situations can be things like someone you loved passed away, an unwanted change at work, loss of work, having to care for a sick relative, major relationship upheaval, and just about anything else that would throw you into a situation where you feel stuck and like there’s no escape for the time being. For a more in depth description, check out this link to an article describing the differences between situational and clinical depression.

So when a relative moves in and throws off your groove (either knowingly or unknowingly); your husband is having to work way too much overtime to keep the store doors open; you hit the 1 year anniversary at your job and the boss flips a switch and is suddenly a micromanaging menace; or you have bounced between housing options too many times in the past year, that drained feeling that has you wondering what the use is anyway, the inability to handle any new change without crying, the inability to relax even when you have set aside time for it, may be situational depression.

Other symptoms could be things like being unable to sleep, not having the energy to shower more than absolutely necessary, feeling as though it would be pointless to start reading a book or watching a good movie, either not eating enough (what’s the point? It takes too much work) or eating too much (convenient comfort food), loss of enthusiasm for things that usually bring you joy, and just about anything that shows you that you really need to take a hard look at how you are taking care of yourself and your environment. You are so in your head, that you can’t spare energy for the outside world. Unfortunately, all of this could lead to you having serious thoughts of taking a walk and never coming back.

I recently had a conversation with one of my sisters about a situation in my own life that has me feeling trapped and how it had thrown me way out of my groove for quite a while. A few tears, a few hugs, and I started to feel as though there was, maybe, a light at the end of the tunnel. The next day I took my multivitamins. The day after that I took my vitamins and ate a real lunch. The day after that I took my vitamins, ate a real lunch, and took a cal-ma-zinc before bed. Every day has been a little better. Because I admitted to myself that right now, there are things that suck. And there’s not much I can do about it right now. But that doesn’t mean I should just crawl into a corner and cease to exist. If there is any hope, it will only be made better by me being entirely me. So I have leaned into my health tracker on my phone for tracking my meals, steps, sleep, and water intake. I have been getting outside to enjoy this season. I have been finding little ways to tell and show my husband that I love him. I have been intentionally making time to snuggle my kids. I have been playing good music while doing housework. I have been working on me. I have been working on my business.

Do I feel 100%? No. Only the ending of this situation will end this feeling of needing to escape. Is there improvement? Yes. And it’s noticeable.

I know that I have had situational depression in the past. Large life changes can do that to some people. It takes a while to adjust to the new normal. Sometimes that adjustment includes mourning the past before you can fully accept the present. Sometimes it’s knowing that if you don’t make a significant change of your own you will be stuck in the unwanted situation for far longer than you want. But you cannot make that big, positive change if you have made yourself sick and weak by letting you inner self shrink and deteriorate.

Situational depression is not something that is best kept to yourself. If you don’t have anyone you know well enough to cry on, you may need to find a therapist, a trusted religious advisor, or even that sweet mom who is also a regular at your favorite coffee shop. It may just be me, but if another mom sat down at my cafe table and started telling me why she feels like she needs to take an extended vacation, but would miss her kids too much to even consider a single night away, but she needs time to herself, but her husband is pretty much guaranteed to be given overtime this evening (as usual), and they can’t afford for her to pay a sitter while she gets an hour by herself somewhere other than the house… I would have no problem. Because I have been there. In my own way I am there.

If too much of this struck a cord, please do not keep it to yourself. I really hope that there is someone you can talk with about how you are feeling. Situational depression is not something to be swept under the rug. It can eat years of your life, and steal opportunities that you might have seen if you had had the energy to look up. So please look up. Look up for me if for no one else. If you don’t have vitamins of your own take an adult dose of your kids’ chewables. Drink a cup of water. Take a couple deep breaths. Write out what is bothering you and see if there is one thing you can take a step toward improving. If you can get outside, please take a walk, sit in your yard, or stroll through the park (if you have the kids with you, it’s good for them, too).

Trying to do all the good-for-you things on the first day will most likely be overwhelming. Start with what you can fit into your schedule. It will take less than a minute to take some vitamins. While you’re at it, drink the whole 8 ounces of water. While you’re feeding the kids lunch, make yourself a plate, too, even if it’s just another plate of peanut butter toast, baby carrots, and apple slices. Maybe after a couple days of vitamins, water, and lunch, you will have the energy to take the kids for a walk. Nothing fancy. Just a walk. Now look at you, starting to take care of yourself. What is something you can add to that? It doesn’t have to be an every day thing. What if when your husband is home from work you go outside by yourself and just experience a couple minutes of not being cooped up and needed? What if you started taking a weekly bubble bath when the kids are asleep? What if you add in a stretching routine paired with prayer or a mantra that makes you feel like you are loved?

Now that you have an idea of how to start taking care of yourself in small but meaningful ways, let’s talk about the situation that potentially caused your situational depression. This could have been any of a billion happenings. The best things you can do about it, is to find out what caused your depression, and what you can do to feel better about it. Do you need to journal as you mourn a loved one? Do you need to find a therapist to help you deal with your divorce? Do you need to create a plan to move away from a toxic roommate? Do you need to polish your resume and start applying to other jobs because your boss is constantly belittling you? Do you need to open a savings account for gathering a down payment because you want to eventually be done with renting?

Any proactive action forward will make you feel better. It will help you to feel that much more in control of your situation. Even if the situation will take years to resolve or leave, you can start taking control of your portion of this journey.

That is another point I need to make: your portion. Only take control of your portion. Help where you can help, but if fixing the situation you are in means someone who is completely unwilling or unable to change needs to change, then perhaps it’s time for you to look for or create an entirely different situation. This may mean finding resources for abuse victims. This may mean finding a job with a better culture. This may mean saving up for a few months and moving to an entirely different state to leave persistent problematic “friends”. This may mean telling people who bring drama to your door that it will no longer be opened for them if they continue with certain habits or behaviors. This may mean arranging for outside help with caring for a relative because you are falling apart mentally and physically.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel. And, no, it’s not a freight train.

The journey could take a while, or it could take just deciding that you are done with it and walking away. Either way, you most likely have more control over the situation than you are afraid you have. So start taking care of yourself. Start researching how to do the things you’re afraid of that would probably improve your life. Start taking steps (even baby steps) toward improvement.

I hope you are brave and take care of you and of your situation. And kick situational depression to the curb. We can work on our lives. You are not alone.