Have you seen those self care videos where someone is putting two kinds of bubble bath and four bath bombs into a tub? They make me want to rinse off just watching them. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good bath. But that many different products would strip my skin and have me dry as a sidewalk in the August sun. No thank you.

Baths are a good form of self care if you enjoy them.

So are a good night’s sleep, occasional naps, book vacations, and arranging for your husband to manage the kids while you hang out in bed watching a rom-com.

These are great for helping me recharge my batteries. (Can you tell I’m an introvert?) A good night’s sleep is the one that happens most often now that our youngest is six. Naps happen a couple times a month. A book vacation is about quarterly. The rom-com is a new addition that just happened a couple weeks ago, and I intend to make it a quarterly thing, too.

Let’s unpack these a bit.

Starting with a good night’s sleep.

For mothers of infants and very young children: My apologies. This will only apply to a few of you. It has only been the last 2 years that I have not been prodded by a small child requesting reassurance at least once a night. While I am sad that we are most likely done having babies, I do not miss the years of short spurts of light sleep that came with them.

My main impediment to good sleep these days is revenge scrolling. I am more aware of it in myself recently, so hopefully I can put a stop to it. Hopefully. You may have something else keeping you up past when you should be brushing your teeth and crawling into bed. That’s just my main culprit right now.

Some things I have found that make sure I sleep well after pulling the covers up to my chin are:

1. Taking my multivitamin no later than lunch time. Some of those vitamins can really energize the body and interfere with relaxing enough to sleep well.
2. Getting enough movement into my day. Believe it or not, not using your body enough can get in the way of good sleep. In no way am I saying you need to start training for a marathon. Just make sure you’ve moved enough that your body is at least somewhat tired at the end of the day. A walk. A workout. Cleaning the house. Playing tag with the kids. Using your toddler as a kettle bell. These are all good ways to use up your daily energy so you sleep well.
3. Doing a final walk-through of the house to check on things that normally pop into my mind just as I am falling asleep. Right now my main ones tend to be a space heater in the living room, and things I need to take with me to a meeting early the next day being ready beside my purse.
4. Have a bed time routine. There’s a reason they’re recommended for small children. After a week or so of a relaxing bedtime routine for yourself, your mind and body will begin to recognize that these are the steps toward sleep. By the time you are in bed you should be fairly well ready to let yourself fully rest. Mine tends to mostly be a putter through the house double checking things, emptying my bladder, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and getting into pajamas. There can be slight deviations and additions, but those are the core actions most nights.

Naps are usually reserved for when my body is not performing anywhere near peak and I need to physically rest. One is often required around the time my period is showing up. A couple ibuprofen with a glass of water and an alarm on my phone to wake me up by a certain time to make sure the day isn’t a total loss.

Recently with cold and flu season upon us there seem to be days when my immune system is working overtime. A nap, or at least an hour resting in bed with a book, or an article on my phone, will often give me the down time necessary to be a nice mom for the rest of the day.

When naps are not possible, see about calling the day quits a bit early and snuggle under the covers for some much needed extra sleep. Not sure what extra sleep is? It’s that thing where you get to bed early enough that you actually have time to lounge in bed before your alarm goes off. There are some days my bladder gets me up before the alarm. Not appreciated.

Book vacations are where you prep your daily life for a couple days of down time, or a couple hours a day for a week, to spend un-stolen, guilt-free time reading a book for the fun of it. I will usually let my husband know ahead of time, do some light food prep, warn the kids that mom is going to be “boring” for a couple days, and then go nose down into a book or my Kindle. There are times I need the comfort of a favorite book, and other times when a new adventure is calling me. Rather than the kids hating it, they enjoy snuggling with me on the couch while I read. They like hearing me laugh out loud at a funny moment. My husband loves to have me dash into his office to read a piece of hilarious dialogue. Especially since I often refill his coffee cup since I’m up.

You don’t have to be dramatic about it. Or maybe you do. It might take a bit of drama to get a bit of time for you to use your own brain for your own wants. Been there. Your reading time could be right after the kids are down for the night, or for an hour before they wake up. You could read right after cleaning up the disaster that’s left after they leave for school. You could read while on your lunch break.

It doesn’t have to be a paper book. My husband loves to listen to stories on YouTube while tinkering with stuff in his office, or his workshop. My mother listens to audio books on her Kindle that’s upside down in her apron. Or if you are lucky enough to have someone in your life who enjoys reading aloud perhaps you can share the experience with someone else. Early in our relationship I read quite a few Disc World books aloud to my husband. That was a lot of fun.

A rom-com break was really nice. The whole family was sick. I was doubly sick of children’s shows. So, I found a cute Christmas romance that was rated G, and tortured the kids by chilling on the couch and watching it on the television. They did ask a couple times when it was going to be over, but there were also a couple scenes where I had a kid on either side because they had gotten interested. Keep it to things you normally would be alright with them watching, pick out a favorite snack and beverage, and hog the couch.

Do you want to know why I mentioned that the kids were around for most of these? Because I want my kids to see that I do take care of myself. In no way do I want to give my girls the illusion that life just magically comes together just because you are a certain age, or just because you are a mother. I want them to see me accepting when my body is tired, when my mind needs a break, and when it’s time for my wants to take up space in the home.

Eventually these kids are going to be adults. They may each some day experience being room mates, coworkers, life partners, parents, and grandparents. One of the main reasons I started really taking care of my physical and emotional self was because I realized that I am their main example right now. The saying “More is caught than taught” is true. You can tell them all day long that they need to wash their faces and brush their teeth, but if they do not see you doing the self care and know why you do it, these may not sink in as actually necessary. They do not need to be present for every moment of you taking care of yourself. They do, however, need to see enough that they believe you when you tell them that you took care of your teeth, hair, and face before they woke up.

Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. There is no speed running this adventure. Therefore we need to be thinking of a few things in the perspective of the long term. One product filled bath is not going to bring a difficult week to a perfect close. Add in some time reading a fun book for an hour while already in your pajamas and under the covers, and you’re a bit closer.