We got over a hefty case of influenza just a few weeks ago. The whole household had it. We did not fall like dominoes. At some point a germ grenade went off and we all woke up with it on a Tuesday morning. All 5 of us. Two parents, two kids, and the uncle. Not pretty.

Do you know one thing it reminded me to be grateful for? A husband who realizes that “in sickness and in health” doesn’t just mean the big dramatic sicknesses. It also means making sure the wife has eaten, too, when taking care of sick kids. It means bringing her a mug of tea and getting the kids the thing they asked for while he’s still standing. It means sending her down for a nap when she’s falling asleep at the lunch table.

The “little” things matter. They matter for us as spouses. They matter for our kids. They matter when the kids see us doing them for each other. The little things all pile together to make the bonds of a happy family.

Putting a little time and effort into thinking about what your spouse would like is not difficult. However, when you feel like you’ve been through a car wreck because of a stupid virus, it takes a little more thought and effort. It is worth it, though, if you have the right partner. The bleary grin he gives me when I bring him a cup of coffee while he’s wrapped in a blanket watching an old western is very worth it. Forehead kisses mean so much more when one or both of you are running a temperature.

We have been through some large health issues: I had two difficult pregnancies; our first daughter spent six weeks in NICU; I had surgery summer of 2020. Those were events that shaped our current life and relationship. They also make being able to help each other through the smaller medical moments all the sweeter.

So, I make a cup of tea for him when he’s feverish. He kisses me on the temple and sends me back to bed after breakfast after watching me almost walk into the door frame of the bathroom. I talk him into taking some decongestant so he can actually breathe while he sleeps. He takes the kids outside to play for a bit to get their wiggles out while I cough through a sappy Christmas romance on the couch.

It’s worth it.

Now for a side note. What if you are single, whether or not by choice? How would you want to be treated if you did have a spouse? Treat yourself that way! Take the cold/flu medication if you medically can. Put yourself down for a nap when you can not stay awake. Enjoy that mug of tea and something fun or sappy on the television while you snuggle into the couch or sandwiched between your little ones on your bed. If you fall asleep during it? Oh, well. Just make sure the tea is on your side table. Make yourself your favorite comfort food. The kids may even like it. If not, you’ve got leftovers. Yay. Take care of yourself. You are the only one of yourself that you have.

There is another side to taking care of your spouse: What your children see. My daughters see that their father and I take care of each other. What does that do? That (hopefully) sets them up to accept nothing less in their own future relationships. Not just romantic ones. We have explained that mommy and daddy are not just husband and wife, we are also each other’s best friends. Friends take care of each other. So now we have daughters who will happily put dis battles and rivalry on the shelf when one of them is hurt or ill. They also do their level best to take care of their parents when we are sick or sad. They are learning to say what hurts, what is bothering them, and having a reasonable expectation that there will be an attempt at making things better.

This is not just marital bliss. This is setting an example to our little walking legacies of how people are to treat each other. That is a whole lot bigger than just one spouse bringing the other some tea.